10 Mar 2017

A Fragile Little Ego

By Toy Soldiers: Buzzfeed decided to grace with a list of stupid feminist nonsense yet again. For some reason, many feminists are convinced that men experience no fear in society. These feminists believe that men walk the streets without risk, never face criticism for their appearance, never face threats of violence or harassment, and are never targeted because of their sex.
Enter Buzzfeed’s 32 Everyday Things Women Do That Men Don’t Have To Worry About. I am sure this list is a flawless analysis of reality. Let us have a look shall we?

1. Carrying your keys in your hand as a “weapon” when walking alone at night.
You are right. No man fears walking alone at night, so he has no need to use his keys as a weapon. This is why men never carry mace or pocket knives. Indeed, for this very reason one would never find men with conceal carry permits. Our penises provide all the protection we need.

2. And turning your headphones off to make sure you’re not being followed.
Of course this never happens. Have you watched anime? No one would follow a man wearing headphones. Every one knows the headphones are just a ruse and the man can feel the presence of anyone behind him.

3. Nailing the “I’m-walking-quickly-but-not-so-quick-that-you’ll-sense-my-fear” pace when someone is behind you.
That is right. When men get the sense that we are being followed we walk at exactly .043 miles per hour.  This does not afford us any protection or room for reacting, but it does prove how little we have to worry about strangers assaulting us.

4. Calling friends when alone in a taxi/Uber in order to feel safe.
Men never feel unsafe, so of course they would never call friends if they considered a driver sketchy.

5. Or texting them your driver’s details “just in case”.
Of course men never do this. It is not as if men are assaulted and wind up unconscious and unable to tell anyone who they are.

6. Messaging them when you get home to let them know you’re OK.
Nope. No one with a penis ever does this. It is rule 39 of the Order of the Patriarchy.

7. Sitting near other women on public transport to minimise the risk of being harassed/attacked.
You have us there. Men do not sit next to women for safety. It is usually the other way around.

8. Avoiding being out altogether if it’s too early in the morning or too late at night because it doesn’t seem safe.
Men face no risk of assault, so they certainly would go or stay out however long they wish.

9. Pretending to be on the phone in any number of situations to avoid harassment.
Men never fake phone calls. Or orgasms.

10. Wearing a wedding ring to reduce the chances of men hitting on/harassing you, because they respect another man’s “property” more than a woman’s right to say no.
That is true. Wearing a wedding ring has no impact on men hitting on other men. It does increases the number of women who hit on men. Funny how that happens.

11. Giving men fake names and phone numbers rather than risking their anger at being rejected.
This is mostly true. The average man is usually the one doing the propositioning. If he wants to have sex, a fake name and number will not help. However, attractive men who deal with women who will not take no for an answer do give out fake names and numbers. My personal favorite is “Christopher Tracy” at 966-842-7736 (won’t happen).

12. Staying silent when being verbally harassed out of fear if you fight back it’ll turn violent.
Of course not. Whenever any man is verbally harassed he always fights back. Because balls. Duh.

13. Keeping your drink covered with your hand and getting your friend to watch it if you need to go to the bathroom at a bar so that it doesn’t get spiked.
True. Men either finish the drink or take it with them.

14. Making sure a friend always knows where you are if you’re going on a first date with a stranger.
Again, men face no risks so why bother. There is also the small problem that few people care when men go missing.

15. Working hard despite the knowledge you’re being paid, on average, less than men in the same position.
There are no underpaid men who work hard despite being shafted. Never happens.

16. Qualifying statements with words like “just” and “sorry” to avoid being perceived as pushy or aggressive.
Just? Sorry? Are those words? I ask only because I am a man so I never use them.

17. Faking being happy and perky even when you don’t feel like it to avoid being seen as a bitch.
Men do no fake emotions to fit in. We always speak our minds.

18. But not being TOO perky, so that people don’t think you’re stupid.
See the above.

19. Pretending to be patient when you’re interrupted/talked over repeatedly by men.
Men are never interrupted by other men. Just (wait, is that a word?) watch news shows. All the men take turns and never talk over each other.

20. Repeating yourself over and over again to get your point across.
Of course men never do that. Men obviously never do that. We do not need to do it because we never have to do it.

21. Removing hair from your armpits, legs, and bikini line because on women it’s “gross” but on men it’s totally acceptable.
That is right. This is why there are no body grooming products for men. This certainly is not a common practice among gay men.

22. Spending a lot of money each month on period products, which are still considered a “luxury” by many governments.
Men do not have periods, so obviously we will not buy these products. It is worth noting that the so called “luxury” tax applies to other sanitary items that both sexes use.

23. Hiding said products up sleeves or in pockets when going to the bathroom in public places, because there’s still a lot of stigma around periods.
Funny how people find period blood disgusting. Of course, no one finds male bodily fluids like semen disgusting.

24. Making sure the right amount of skin is covered up or risking being seen as slutty/indecent.
True. When men show too much skin it is “creepy”.

25. Wearing makeup because you’re conditioned to believe your bare face isn’t good enough – or heck, just because you like it – and being told you’re fake.
That is not a problem men face. We do not have anything that grows on our faces that people judge us for should we fail to groom it.

26. Or not wearing makeup because you don’t want to/cbf and being told you look tired or sick.
No one ever mentions how men’s faces look.

27. Questioning whether the tweet or Facebook status you’re about to post will result in being viciously trolled/harassed, and having to make the decision about whether it’s worth it.
No one harasses or trolls men online. Never happens.

28. Constantly empathising with male TV/movie leads, and then having to deal with men protesting on the few occasions women are given starring roles.
I know, right? You spend all your time pretending to feel what male characters feel and men will not be bothered to pretend to empathize with female characters they do not care about. Sexist.

29. Answering and/or deflecting deeply personal questions about your relationship status/fertility/home life from family, potential bosses, current bosses, and random strangers.
No one ever asks men personal questions, but on the off chance it happens, men would never deflect those questions. Men have nothing they would like to keep to themselves.

30. Taking the Pill if you’re straight and want to avoid getting pregnant, because there’s still no male equivalent.
It is such a hassle. If only there were condoms, diaphragms, patches, IUDs, sponges, or different sex acts women could use. No, unfortunately there is only the pill. And it is sexist that male biology is so different from female biology, making it difficult to create a pill for men.

31. Living with the knowledge that the government (dominated by men) has the power to legislate against your bodily autonomy.
This of course does not apply to men who do not, for example, have to pledge their bodies to the government when they turn 18.

32. And dealing with people telling you your concerns aren’t valid and you should stop complaining because “women are equal”.
Of course no one ever tells men that our concerns are valid. There is not a political movement devoted to minimizing men’s issues.
This list is nothing more than a petulant privileged child masturbating her fragile ego. Most of these “problems” are not actual problems. They are what happens when you interact with the people around you. Behaving as if men have it easy and listing the most mundane nonsense shows how little western women have to worry in our culture.
If the worst you can come up with your own paranoia about an Uber driver assaulting you, you have it fairly good.


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