By Near the US Capitol, cis-gender equality student-activist Praxagora emerges from her Volvo. Her thumb presses furiously on her iPhone 11. She stares at her phone intently for a long time. Then she begins to speak to it.
Praxagora: Behold, portal of enlightenment, hear my cry! Let the seas roar, and justice roll down like thunder! Rancid and sexist butter, gender-exclusive from cows, is still served onto us daily! Men students careth not. They are apathetic, listless, and impotent. Only we cis-gender women student-activists feel what should be their pain. When Sappho was stirring a pot in the dorm kitchen and wiggling her behind for all her worth, her roommate remained stolidly seated, peeling potatoes for her. He kept apologizing for her stirring the pot in the kitchen instead of taking her place in the house governing assembly. Me too, that’s happened to me, too! Why am I the only one here? Where are all the rest of the equality activists?