The Dissident Dad: I put personal mission in the title of this post, because I think every parent needs to answer this question on their own and create their own definition of whatever their objective is.
It’s easy to get into the rut of earning a living, raising a family, retiring, and then dying. Today, child raising is largely left to the state, corporate America and other kids. We live in a two-parent workforce, with an enormous pressure to send our kids to government-run schools. Children are now watching 35 hours of TV per week, and that’s not including 10 hours on iDevices.
Unless you think deeply about your intentions as a parent, you can pretty much just go through the whole experience by going through the motions, since the majority of parents simply mimic one another. Today, parenting style is often pretty much just on auto-pilot.
My objective as a father and a husband is to enhance the lives of the people in my family. It sounds simple, but putting it into practice requires me to think it through constantly, in an attempt to give each day fulfillment and purpose.
I’ve discovered that the best way to enhance a child’s life — or perhaps anyone’s — is to help them become more free, independent, and encourage them to exercise the right to make their own decisions. Even when those decisions may be bad, the ability to choose is a powerful right for a father to defend. Society wants children to be treated as second-class citizens, considered as a danger to themselves and too stupid to think independently. Having a loving and respectful attitude towards your own kids can be somewhat foreign to many other adults.
Let’s be brutally honest here. Who wants to have the dad from the 1950s sitcoms? Or the one we’ve met when we go to a friend’s house? You know, the one who we call Mr., and everyone has to walk around on eggshells for fear of pissing the dad off. Screw that. The model for parenting — like the human species — hasn’t completely evolved yet, so all parents should think critically about what it means.
Maybe you’ll read this and think I’m crazy. That’s fine. I just want to encourage you to find your own way, because the current model is broken. Most young adults I talk to want nothing to do with their parents, have nothing in common with them, or avoid interaction completely.
Unless you’re content to be the “see you on the holidays family” when your kids are adults, you’ve got to change something; at least that’s what I’m trying to do in my own life.
Out of all of our relationships, I can think of nothing more important than the people who live in our homes. The people with whom we live with every day for around two decades.
Think about how many kids tear away from the family as young adults, because their parents tried to micro-manage them.
It can be difficult at times, seeking the cooperation of little people, but I have now been implementing this mindset in my own home for 18 months, and it’s working.
Giving little ones freedom really works. The children have learned quickly that they don’t get far when they demand things. When a child demands something, especially something that causes me to work, I simply reply by saying: “You can’t demand me to work for you. You can’t demand anyone to work for you. You can only seek their cooperation.” I honestly think it’s made the kids more mannerly towards others; at least that’s the feedback I get.
It works both ways, by the way. I don’t make demands or call out orders and expect the kids to respond like trained monkeys, jumping at my every command in order to not face punishment or receive a reward. This entire experience has helped me, probably just as much as the kids.
I am not surrendering my role as a parent by giving the kids freedom. In fact, just the opposite. I am establishing my role as their father by defending their ability to think and live their life according to their own passions.
Alan Watts, as usual, had some insightful observations on the topic:
– Daniel Ameduri aka The Dissident Dad
Source
It’s easy to get into the rut of earning a living, raising a family, retiring, and then dying. Today, child raising is largely left to the state, corporate America and other kids. We live in a two-parent workforce, with an enormous pressure to send our kids to government-run schools. Children are now watching 35 hours of TV per week, and that’s not including 10 hours on iDevices.
Unless you think deeply about your intentions as a parent, you can pretty much just go through the whole experience by going through the motions, since the majority of parents simply mimic one another. Today, parenting style is often pretty much just on auto-pilot.My objective as a father and a husband is to enhance the lives of the people in my family. It sounds simple, but putting it into practice requires me to think it through constantly, in an attempt to give each day fulfillment and purpose.
I’ve discovered that the best way to enhance a child’s life — or perhaps anyone’s — is to help them become more free, independent, and encourage them to exercise the right to make their own decisions. Even when those decisions may be bad, the ability to choose is a powerful right for a father to defend. Society wants children to be treated as second-class citizens, considered as a danger to themselves and too stupid to think independently. Having a loving and respectful attitude towards your own kids can be somewhat foreign to many other adults.
Let’s be brutally honest here. Who wants to have the dad from the 1950s sitcoms? Or the one we’ve met when we go to a friend’s house? You know, the one who we call Mr., and everyone has to walk around on eggshells for fear of pissing the dad off. Screw that. The model for parenting — like the human species — hasn’t completely evolved yet, so all parents should think critically about what it means.
Maybe you’ll read this and think I’m crazy. That’s fine. I just want to encourage you to find your own way, because the current model is broken. Most young adults I talk to want nothing to do with their parents, have nothing in common with them, or avoid interaction completely.
Unless you’re content to be the “see you on the holidays family” when your kids are adults, you’ve got to change something; at least that’s what I’m trying to do in my own life.
Out of all of our relationships, I can think of nothing more important than the people who live in our homes. The people with whom we live with every day for around two decades.
Think about how many kids tear away from the family as young adults, because their parents tried to micro-manage them.
It can be difficult at times, seeking the cooperation of little people, but I have now been implementing this mindset in my own home for 18 months, and it’s working.
Giving little ones freedom really works. The children have learned quickly that they don’t get far when they demand things. When a child demands something, especially something that causes me to work, I simply reply by saying: “You can’t demand me to work for you. You can’t demand anyone to work for you. You can only seek their cooperation.” I honestly think it’s made the kids more mannerly towards others; at least that’s the feedback I get.
It works both ways, by the way. I don’t make demands or call out orders and expect the kids to respond like trained monkeys, jumping at my every command in order to not face punishment or receive a reward. This entire experience has helped me, probably just as much as the kids.
I am not surrendering my role as a parent by giving the kids freedom. In fact, just the opposite. I am establishing my role as their father by defending their ability to think and live their life according to their own passions.
Alan Watts, as usual, had some insightful observations on the topic:
– Daniel Ameduri aka The Dissident Dad
Source
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