By Jordan Holbrook: I’ve noticed a slight trend amongst some of the feminists of today, a unifying constant that ties them all together – aside from their bat-shit crazy gender vigilantism, obviously. They are all Suburbagettes!
The concept of Suburbagette is really rather simple, the word is an amalgamation of “Suburban” and “Suffragette”, as I’m sure eagle-eyed readers would have noticed. Where I’ve used “Suburban” what could have been used is “Suburban Mom”, but there’s a few issues with using “Suburban Mom”, as will be discussed below. But first, the definition:
Suburbagette
/səˈbəːb(ə)’dʒɛt/
(Noun)
(Noun)- A woman, often middle class, who has no genuine life grievances yet has gravitated to Feminism (or gender vigilantism, cultural Marxism, Identity Politics, etc.) and exerts a great deal of effort to express how oppressed she is because of her sex.
“Randi used to be fine until she got involved in gender politics and became a Suburbagette, now she thinks her entire industry hates women!”
- Feminists who enjoy comfortable lives yet use Feminism as a reason (or excuse) to whinge about imagined slights they are perceived to be suffering.
“Jessica is such a Suburbagette, she runs a popular website and lives in a nice house with her husband and daughter yet complains she’s not paid enough because she’s a woman!”
- A whiny, pretentious Feminist who thinks the Patriarchy is out to get her when in fact she lives a good life and no one is out to get her.
“Large Primary Colour, being a typical Suburbagette, thinks all men want to use domestic violence to control her. Nobody wants to hit her. In fact, men don’t want to be near her.”
[Disclaimer: All characters and events depicted in the above examples are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to actual events or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and similarity is not to be inferred.]
The mash-up is quite easy to understand, it takes the negative stereotypes of suburban moms, the real annoying ones who drive the gas-guzzling Maibatsu Monstrosity and have the “Can I speak to a manger” hair-cut, and mixes it with the virulent gender politics borne out of the suffragette movement.
Why “Suburban” is preferred rather than “Suburban Mom” is because “Suburban Mom” implies having children or being a mother and considering feminism’s rather mixed views on motherhood I’ve decided to leave it at “Suburban”. Also, the stereotype of “Suburban Mom” encompasses several different tropes and the definition wanted for Suburbagette specifically focuses on the sense of entitlement that stereotypical middle-class Suburban Moms have, rather than their motherhood.
Obviously this term does not define all nor does its roots have a one-size-fits-all function, there are many Suburban Moms out there who aren’t five yards up their own asses and there are countless female women’s rights activists who tackle genuine women’s issues, see Ayaan Hirsi Ali as an example.
Also, this definition is primarily geared for female feminists as they are the ones who I have noticed exhibiting this behaviour. I tend not to notice male feminists as they aren’t worth the time of day.
The term Suburbagette was designed to define a sub-group of the modern day feminist movement, the sort who enjoys all the benefits of first world technological advances, who have never suffered any genuine life grievances, have no real complaints and in fact live very comfortable lives yet still complains when things are Incorrect.
These people are the sorts who use their $800 MacBooks to film a Vlog that they will send to their tens of thousands of followers complaining about all the white men in tech.
These are the people who storm into Title IX departments to accuse boys of rape because he didn’t fancy her (or some other contrived reason).
These are the people who, after walking away from a divorce with the house and kids, complain that marriage is a patriarchal construct.
They are the sorts of feminist who go on National Television to complain that women don’t have enough opportunities open to them.
They are the ones who lead marches around Universities complaining about references to sexual violence in their Literature classes.
They complain about body positivity issues but mock men for having tiny penises.
They are the feminists who do up their hair, apply make-up, then go on a protest complaining how men objectify women.
They are the feminists who bitch that we live in a rape culture but don’t give a damn about all the rapes in the Middle East, nor do they care when the Identities of either the rapist or the victim are Incorrect.
They are Suburbagettes.
They are hypocrites.
They are middle class, self-entitled, whining cry-babies who demand everything go their way and will justify any action they use against you because they are women and because they are feminist.
They are two-faced liars who will use anything to boost their own image and ego whilst trampling down those they claim to help.
They are disgusting and are not to be tolerated.
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