By It is day 22 of Domestic Violence Awareness Month 2014 for Men and Boys, the invisible victims of domestic violence. Today’s In His Own Words tells the tale of “Kyle,” a nice guy from an abusive family who fell for and married an abusive woman who likely has borderline personality disorder.
When I first met my second wife, D, I thought she was perfect. She was everything I thought I could want in a woman. She was funny and caring and into all of my hobbies with a smile that could melt your heart. A real dream come true. However, what I didn’t realize at the time was this was simply her mask.
I had come from an extremely abusive home, so I was definitely the kind of guy looking for a woman to validate my existence. I told myself that this wasn’t the case after having been through several bad relationships and a previous marriage to a personality-disordered woman before. So, I thought I had “learned” from my mistakes and was ready for the right person to love me in a way that no one else could.
In the beginning, there were very few red flags, or so I thought. Though, to be honest, at that point in my life, I was so ready to find my “one and only” that I was readily willing to ignore what Dr. T calls those “WTF moments.” I thought I was safe, as I had been friends with D for a year previous to us dating.
However, if I knew back then what I know now, I would have run given some of those early warning signs and never looked back. For example, about three weeks into dating D, she showed up at my doorstep with a bag full of laundry, giving the impression that she was: 1) hopeless in managing her own affairs, and 2) ready to move in. As bad as it was having someone whom you’ve only dated for a few weeks wanting to move in, it was worse. She had the expectation that I was responsible for her laundry.
When I first met my second wife, D, I thought she was perfect. She was everything I thought I could want in a woman. She was funny and caring and into all of my hobbies with a smile that could melt your heart. A real dream come true. However, what I didn’t realize at the time was this was simply her mask.
I had come from an extremely abusive home, so I was definitely the kind of guy looking for a woman to validate my existence. I told myself that this wasn’t the case after having been through several bad relationships and a previous marriage to a personality-disordered woman before. So, I thought I had “learned” from my mistakes and was ready for the right person to love me in a way that no one else could.
In the beginning, there were very few red flags, or so I thought. Though, to be honest, at that point in my life, I was so ready to find my “one and only” that I was readily willing to ignore what Dr. T calls those “WTF moments.” I thought I was safe, as I had been friends with D for a year previous to us dating.
However, if I knew back then what I know now, I would have run given some of those early warning signs and never looked back. For example, about three weeks into dating D, she showed up at my doorstep with a bag full of laundry, giving the impression that she was: 1) hopeless in managing her own affairs, and 2) ready to move in. As bad as it was having someone whom you’ve only dated for a few weeks wanting to move in, it was worse. She had the expectation that I was responsible for her laundry.