All I will say in Mr Hollobone’s defence (though it’s a pretty strong defence, I humbly submit) is that what he said was manifestly, demonstrably, 100 per cent true. Beyond doubt, it is ‘basically’ the dads who are the coaches and the mums who wash the team kit. I can’t see much sense in pretending otherwise.
The interesting question is why this should be. Is it, as feminists would suggest, because women have been culturally bullied, since time immemorial, into believing that football is a man’s game, while their own place is at the washtub?
Or is it simply that fathers tend to enjoy football more, because of the way men’s brains are structured, while mothers care more that their young should look clean on the pitch?
Indirect support for the latter theory came this week from Professor Larry Cahill, a neurobiologist at the University of California, Irvine.
Though he said nothing about football or clothes-washing, he did say drug-testers were so terrified of being labelled as sexist that they put women’s health at risk by ignoring physical differences between male and female brains.
I know that other scientists dismiss talk of differences in brain structure as ‘neurotrash’.
But from my own observations of the opposite sex — women’s map-reading skills, intuitions and sometimes shaky grasp of logic — I am inclined to believe Professor Cahill.
Whatever the truth, however, I reckon differences of opinion over the true nature of homo sapiens go to the very heart of the divide between Toryism and other political world-views.
As I see it, creeds such as Socialism take as their starting point a conception of an ideal society and then try to make human nature conform to it. The result is almost always oppression and unhappiness (ask Cuban exiles in America).
Tories, on the other hand, try to take human nature as it is, with all its virtues and vices — and institutions as they have evolved over time — seeking to improve society from where we are now, bit by bit. We work from the bottom up, as it were, rather than the top down.
Hence the heavy stress laid by traditional Tories on the importance of the family as the bedrock of society, reflecting man’s strongest instinct as a naked ape: to do the best possible for his and her young.
True, Socialists will say we should love the whole human race equally. But you can be sure that even the reddest of the red would rescue their own family from a burning block of flats before turning their attention to the neighbours.
Man is a tribal and territorial animal, too, which accounts for Tories’ stress on love of country. Indeed, supranational groupings throughout history have failed to hit the human G-spot — which is why I reckon the EU is already looking as doomed and outdated as the Soviet Union and the Austro-Hungarian empire.
Most Britons feel British first and European a distant second. And the same goes for the French, the Italians and the rest.
But to international Socialists and their ilk, human nature — family-oriented, tribal, territorial and competitive — is a massive obstacle to achieving the perfect society. So it must be thumped and battered into conforming to the ideal of equality.
Thus, girls must be told endlessly that, apart from superficial physical differences, they are exactly the same as boys in every way and should share their ambitions to excel at football and get out into the world of work — no matter how insistently their brains and hormones may tell them they’d rather be at home with the kids.
If you ask me, these are the true victims of social conditioning in modern Britain — along with the poor blokes who have been bullied into believing they’re happiest doing the child-rearing.
Yes, of course there are countless mothers who get a buzz from pursuing careers, just as there are some men who like nothing better than baby-sick down the back of their sweaters. I wish them nothing but well.
But why can’t Mrs Blair accept that millions of women don’t share her career ambitions — and most men are not like the ‘hands-on’ dad to whom she is married.
(Presumably Mr Blair snatched time off to invade foreign countries and fill his boots with tyrants’ cash between mopping up baby-sick and reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar aloud.)
With study after study showing that traditional families are the ideal nurseries for happy, well-adjusted, productive and law-abiding citizens, would she and her like please stop telling us that they belong to a myth of the distant past?
Stay-at-home mums are the unsung heroines of modern society. For all the lip-service he paid them, David Cameron did damn all to help them. Now it’s up to Theresa May.
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