Fancy Getting Fired, Chaps? Just Say 'That's A Pretty Frock'

Hell hath no fury

like a #fearless feminist complimented

By RACHEL JOHNSON: I’ll always remember where I was when I heard the news that a 57-year-old married solicitor from Cambridgeshire had messaged a young barrister called Charlotte Proudman on a popular professional networking site.

The chap clearly hadn’t done due diligence on the pert, bobbed brunette 30 years his junior who had caught his eye on LinkedIn as he was busy timewasting one afternoon.

If he’d only looked at Twitter rather than the inviting photograph she’d uploaded (and if she didn’t want anyone to look, why put up a pouty pic?), he’d have known that Ms Proudman self-identified as ‘#fearless feminist’ because ‘rape, prostitution & pornography are problems of male dominance’. And therefore perhaps not the optimum target for his heavy attempt at gallantry.
Anyway, only his first four words – he opened with ‘Charlotte, delighted to connect’ – managed to be inoffensive to her. Things shot downhill from there.

‘I appreciate that this is probably horrendously politically incorrect,’ he ploughed on (note to the male sex – if you think for a single second that what you are about to say is going to bomb with the gorgeous, younger, foxier female you’re talking to, these days it’s far safer not to say it) ‘but that is a stunning picture.’

Then he goofily offered her a prize for ‘the best LinkedIn picture I have ever seen’.

At this point we are reminded that hell hath no fury like a #fearless feminist complimented. Even though she has Facebooked hot young men her age and written comments under their posted pictures such as ‘oooh lalala’ and ‘hot stuff’, Proudman retaliated like a crazed Israeli land thief to this mild tribute from the older chap, a Mr Alexander Carter-Silk.

She took out her anti-aircraft missile launcher first on LinkedIn, where she blasted his message as ‘unacceptable and misogynist’, and then delivered the death blow publicly by posting their whole exchange on Twitter – including her analysis of his remarks as part of the patriarchal plot to silence women by ‘eroticising their physical attributes’.

Now, my thoughts. Gosh. I’m trying to put myself in her shoes first. And yes, if I’d been sent that ardent message I would have been a tiny bit creeped out, too, but middle-aged men will be middle-aged men.

I would have ignored it. I wouldn’t have replied, let alone mounted my high horse and published the exchange in order to highlight the problems of slimy old dinosaurs and everyday sexism in the legal profession, and humiliate the sender for all to see.

The human rights barrister (pictured) blasted the message as ‘unacceptable and misogynist’

Now let’s look at it from the point of view of the culprit.

I can marshal two main points for the defence. First, from the male perspective, it must appear that women of all ages spend hours making themselves look nice, and men must hope in their hearts that we also do it for them. Men could be forgiven for thinking that they are supposed to appreciate the results of all this time, dedication and expense.

As his weary eye rested on the refreshing picture of Ms Proudman, who had clearly taken some trouble with her appearance, he felt moved to admire her looks and efforts.

He had missed the memo where it is writ that it is now haram for a man to comment on a female’s appearance in any work context, so while women in the office will spend all day gushing over each other’s hair, shoes or jacket, if a man says ‘that’s a pretty frock’ it is pretty much a sackable offence. Especially when the compliment is directed from an older man to a younger woman.

Second, men also have to ‘navigate’ another added complexity: the very public presence of women who apparently go out of their way to receive sexual, as opposed to collegiate/professional/paternal attentions from men.

Obviously Ms Proudman doesn’t fall into this category but many women in the public eye do. Take the teenage Matilde Mourinho, who last week forgot to wear anything underneath her tux as she accompanied Papa Jose to the GQ Awards. As you would expect, the bra-less pictures received wide distribution.

Meanwhile, as rock star Chrissie Hynde told Woman’s Hour, some provocative pop stars are ‘sex workers’ and part of ‘pornography culture’. She said these women – we assume she is referring to singers such as Rihanna and Miley Cyrus – sell their music by bumping and grinding in their underwear.

Given all this, it is regrettable, but arguably not shocking, that, when a man sees a picture of an attractive young woman who has a profile on a so-called ‘professional’ networking site, he on occasion makes the fatal mistake of approaching her like a woman first, and possible colleague second.

As I said last week, when a woman is the victim of sexual assault it is never her fault but the perpetrator’s.

But a woman is partly responsible for the reactions (welcome or unwelcome) she gets from men if her appearance (whether this is deliberate or not) either solicits their attention, or is a direct grab for it.

I’m convinced that if Ms Proudman had been messaged by a hipster barrister her own age from a trendy chambers and asked straight out on a date, she would not have reacted as hysterically as she did to the courtly message from Carter-Silk.

I’m not surprised that older men get things wrong. They don’t have the first clue what’s appropriate or inappropriate when younger women give off such mixed messages.

Edited by AGA

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