Growing up as a child in a middle-class home where my dad worked 12-hour days and my mom clipped coupons, I remember all the great things about Christmas. Stockings full of toys hanging over the fireplace, waking up in the morning to presents under the tree followed by a large family gathering later that afternoon. I never received the big gifts some of my friends did, but I was still happy, receiving more than enough, as well as the occasional video game for my Nintendo.It wasn’t until after my parents were divorced that Christmas and I had a falling out, to the point where as an adult, I didn’t buy a tree until my oldest child turned 5 (last year). Even then, it was in protest.
At 12 years of age, I watched as my mother struggle to buy gifts. After the divorce, my mom lived in a mobile home in Southern California, and every year, I watched her do everything she could to live up to the idea of a “middle-class” Christmas. It wasn’t until then that I realized the damage being done to the poor and lower middle classes during this holiday. The irony, of course, is that the historical Jesus was a man who sought to help the poor,
so it was frustrating that the holiday designated to celebrate his birth had become an absolute nightmare to anyone who wasn’t either rich or middle-class.
I began to see Christmas in a new light, hearing of friends who got the brand new bikes, or in high school, cars. And then, thinking of my own mother borrowing $200 from me at age 15 so she could afford to buy gifts.
Even as I write this post, I am deeply saddened to think of all the poor children who will not experience the holiday cheer I felt prior to my parents’ marriage ending.
Which leads me to… what the hell am I going to do about Christmas? My gut tells me to just write it off and cancel it. But having a 1, 4, and 6-year-old, prevents me from wanting to be too much of a Grinch, and I also don’t want to go out of my way to hurt the feelings of all the people in my life who want to celebrate all the good things about the holiday. Such as the memories of putting up lights with my father, or being responsible for watering the tree, and, of course, the dinners…
As I’ve said many other times on this column, there are just some things my wife and I have chosen to not take a stand against. We’ve already made ourselves the outliers in so many other ways. At some point, you cross the line into being weird, and I am not looking to fight my way through everything in life.
This year, we will buy a tree, and we’ll celebrate Christmas for all the good things that it could stand for if people didn’t reduce it to a superficial ritual to boost consumerism. Generosity is a big theme for Christmas, so I’ve asked my children to go through all the toys in their bedrooms and pick some out to give away. I’ve also set aside some money for my kids and I to go out and buy some toys, food, and clothes for poor kids, foster children, and anyone in need.
What will be under my own Christmas tree will be a few gifts for my kids, as well as something that I can do with my children, like a Lego set or a science experiment. This way the gift of giving will continue to yield dividends even after the holiday is over. The point will be driven home that this isn’t about getting stuff, it’s about setting aside a special time to help the less fortunate and spend time with family.
I think teaching children the spirit of helping is a good thing, so I won’t be protesting Christmas this year.
All I can do is avoid the new, traditional way of celebrating Christmas as best I can.
– Daniel Ameduri aka The Dissident Dad
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