How To Treat Him As A Human Being

By mom4dads: Thanks to Terrence Popp, I learned about this “interesting” book by Jewish feminist Jessica Rubin:
Here’s the description: “Training a man is really no different than training a canine. It just takes time, reinforced behavior, and a firm grasp of when to use the carrot and when to use the stick. Simply follow the 50 tips in this book and you’ll have a loving and faithful companion for years to come.”

That’s right. Apparently, men are like dogs and can and should be trained. Technically, anybody can be trained, from kids to adults. But you don’t hear men say this about women, let alone write a book about it: it would be immediately banned by the Female Inquisition.

Female readers found it funny. Male readers, not so much. The following are user reviews I’ve found on Amazon.com.

Female reader:

Funny and Instructive June 9 2010

By Sarah Leah Schaffer – Published on Amazon.com

Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase

This book is a perfect gift for a friend and/or a boyfriend. It is witty, charming, and so much fun……Thanks, Jessica!!

Male reader:

Book answers: “Where are all the ‘good men’ to date and marry?” Ladies: Best read while looking in a mirror. Aug. 28 2015

By Craig D. – Published on Amazon.com

Format: Kindle Edition

And by 1 star I mean: -1^10X10000
This is the definitive gynocentric advice bible for manipulative, abusive, intransigent, feminist women. When women wonder to themselves why they: “can’t find a ‘good man'” or “there aren’t any ‘good men’ left” you’re right, and you women made that possible with deceitful, vacuous pablum like in the contents of this book.
Enjoy your hovel and festering in ten cats worth of excrement.

The book is composed of 50 tips and is basically a guide for the ladies who want to learn how to become good domestic abusers. Am I taking it too seriously? Let’s see what the author has to say about her own book:

Please don’t take the title of this book the wrong way. (What do you mean? What “wrong way”?)

We don’t think all men are dogs. (True. You, actually think they’re all pigs.)

But you can’t deny there are similarities. (Is it the furry bits?)

Like dogs, men are wonderful and loving creatures (men = dog, woman = person. Roger that)

who can make great lifelong companions. (and wallets)

But you’ve got to train them right or they are bound to be bad. (Yes, Mistress. As you command, Mistress. How compassionate of you, Mistress)

If you think this is bad, then take a look at the rest of the paragraph:

It’s not that men want to misbehave, mind you. It’s just that evolution hasn’t completely stripped them of a few primary instincts – such as survival and replication. And often they need help in containing and controlling these instincts, so that they can serve as proper companions in the modern world.

Remember, Sarah said this is funny. Such fun… Men, why aren’t you laughing? Oh yeah, I forgot: dogs can’t laugh. (Just imagine if a man had used exactly these same words but referred to female dogs – aka bitches. He’d be burnt at the stake!)

By the way, the book is usually sold with its counterpart, written by Josh Rubin, but it doesn’t teach men how to train women as if they were dogs, it tells them “How to stay out of the doghouse”. (Note that her surname is Rubin as well… I haven’t looked into this coincidence.)

Well, I want to try and be funny too. Maybe I can write a book just like this one, here it goes nothing:

HOW TO TREAT HIM AS A HUMAN BEING

1. Don’t be passive aggressive. Everybody hates that.
2. Don’t be a drama queen. Everybody hates that too.
3. Don’t nag him. Do you see a pattern?
4. Don’t play the victim card all the time. Take responsibility for your actions.
5. Have his back. He trusts you. If you stab him in the back, he won’t see it coming. This will break him.
6. Show him how much you value him. Bake him a cake. Even something small and practical goes a long way (like a sandwich).
7. Don’t be jealous and possessive. You don’t own him.
8. Don’t spy on him. His communication devices are private, just like your own.
9. Don’t send mixed signals. Yes means yes, no means no. How hard can it be?
10. Don’t keep talking about things he doesn’t care about. Did you know that he doesn’t care about curtains?
11. Be a teammate, not a burden. You need to bring value to the relationship.
12. Don’t waste money. Stop buying shoes already!
13. If something is bothering you, say it. Be direct. He’s no clairvoyant. And neither are you, by the way.
14. Don’t ask him unanswerable questions, such as “Do I look fat in this?” You know there is no right answer.
15. If you made a mistake, come clean right away and start working on fixing the damage you’ve done. Unless it’s tech-related, then stay as far away from it as possible.
16. Let him be. He needs time for himself, time with his friends, time to stay quiet, time away from you.
17. If you’re a stay at home mom, like I am, take good care of him, yourself and your children. That’s your job.
18. Remember he’s not invulnerable. Men can run out of juice too. Be prepared to lead, provide guidance, protection, or support, as necessary.
19. Remember his value is not directly proportional to how useful he is to you. He is his own person.
20. Don’t make plans on his behalf, or without his input. There is no I in team.

Did you like my list? I tried to keep it as superficial and lighthearted, like the one in this abhorrent book, leaving out all of the more serious stuff that some women do, such as murdering children, turning them against their father, financially ruining their (ex-) husbands, tricking men into fatherhood, mutilating their genitals, abuse them, and the list goes on…

Edited by WD

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