For Real Love To Arise, Romantic Love Must Die. Part Two

'Gold diggers. Out. Feminists. Out.
Princesses. Out. Single mothers. Out. Borderlines. Out. Wannabe housewives. Out. Those who insist on marriage. Out.
Those who can’t find their purse at dinner. O-U-Fucking-T.'

By Paul Elam: As you may recall from the first part of this series, I was addressing some efforts men can and should be making when choosing to pair bond in the current climate of sexual politics. This generally involves three steps, or perhaps more accurately three giant leaps, that you can take to give yourself a better shot at not ending up with your ship or your shit on the rocks.
As a reminder, all of this is said assuming you have the good sense to not marry, and to not cohabitate in a way that leaves you vulnerable to being considered married by the local authorities. And if, by chance, that is still debatable in your mind, I have left some reference links[1] for you that you really need to explore. I won’t dwell on it. Horse, water…all that, but I do suggest the reference material first as you may be too dangerous to yourself to act responsibly on any of the material in this series.
Moving on, I talked about step one in part one, and that was your need to get the difference between love and romantic love. And more than to just get it — to let it permeate your conscious mind and act as a profound influence on every decision you make regarding women.
It’s important to be vigilant and continually cognizant of the fact that romantic chivalry, or gynocentric love, is woven into the DNA of your personality. Most every heterosexual man in this world is one good blowjob away from beta cuckitude. And yes, that includes many men who call themselves red pill.
The gynocentrism behind that sad reality is a soul withering, destructive force that lies always in wait, and it is unleashed from behind the wall of denial that comes with romantic love and infatuation. That’s the state of temporary insanity that will have you glad to do things that you would die before doing if you were in your right mind, like lay all your assets out for the taking while you whistle and look the other way. Or burning a longstanding friendship with a male friend because a female you’ve known for a month doesn’t like him.
So, it is hard to overstress how important it is challenge yourself on what is driving your behavior with women, and whether your fairytale image of women and love are at the core.

Step Two: Screening

It is just as hard to overstress the importance of step two. When meeting women, you have three basic objectives. You need to screen. You need to screen and you need to screen. Mainly with the understanding that most of the screening will be screening out.
This is not just a test of how well you have worked with step one, but it is a clear measurement of how much red pill thinking you have absorbed in a meaningful way. As I keep stressing, what you think and what you believe (which is what drives your behavior) can be radically different. You’ll likely never intellectualize yourself into meaningful action.
It all boils down to whether your true beliefs leave you focused on attracting a woman (that alone being your measure of success) or if you are more focused on preventing the wrong women from getting anywhere near you. In my world, blue pill, gynocentric men worry about getting laid. Red pill men worry about getting laid without getting bent over.
You cannot possibly imagine two more different kinds of men, but there is a very thin line between them. Or, as I said, sometimes they are only separated by a good suck.
So, what do I mean exactly by screening? I mean, in no uncertain terms, your willingness to send packing any non-hackers who don’t meet your non-gynocentric expectations. Gold diggers. Out. Feminists. Out. Princesses. Out. Single mothers. Out. Borderlines. Out. Wannabe housewives. Out. Those who insist on marriage. Out. Those who can’t find their purse at dinner. O-U-fucking-T. Add anything else you want to your personalized list of instant disqualifiers.
It is important for you to take this very, very personally. The biggest mistake I ever see men make with women is settling. And I suppose it is understandable in a way. The pickins are already slim and I just rattled off a short list that would rid you of 90% of the ones available. We are not having a rosy, feel good conversation.
And I never said this was a series of talks on how to attract women. I assume that if you are a regular reader here, you’re less interested in attracting a woman than surviving one with your money, your mind and your heart intact.
And this is where one thing comes into play that deserves to be written in lipstick on your bathroom mirror. This shit is on you, not on women. Feminists, and sad to say women in general these days rely almost exclusively on a victim narrative. The haggard, repetitive mantra of women in relationships is that “it’s not my fault,” especially when it is. It’s gotten so bad that a lack of personal accountability in women is now considered good breeding.
You are welcome to follow in that mold if you want to, or any other line of thinking suited for three-year-old’s. If you do, though, you might as well quit reading now. You’re screwed by your own hand.
Everything is on you and for good reason. None of the things about women I mentioned, the gold diggers, the feminists, the slackers, the welfare queens, the cloying stench of the children of privilege, are hidden from you. With very, very few exceptions, there is nothing about any woman you have ever known that you could not have spotted in short order if you were thinking from the neck up. Or in other words, if your mind wasn’t clouded by gynocentric infatuation. And if you weren’t making excuses, swimming in denial, or chirping out some ignorant bullshit like, “Love is unconditional, I’ll take her crumbs and all,” even if the crumbs are constantly putting you down and putting the smackdown on your wallet.
If the crumbs you don’t mind taking include her making you miserable every time she doesn’t get her way, then the only thing I can suggest is that the next time you see a red pill, actually take the sum-bitch.
If you think I am being hard on the men here, you’re right. I don’t think it is me, though. That’s just the challenge that comes with rooting out and breaking ties with our gynocentric programming. It demands brutal personal accountability, and unrelenting critical self-assessment. It’s something feminists never dared to suggest for women as the path to empowerment, and wisely so because women have been socialized to interpret the demand for personal accountability as an act of abuse.
The point here is that in severing the umbilical cord that leaves you dependent on women’s approval is a massive shift in consciousness and ultimately self-perception. You move from being a scavenger for anything remotely female, including the garbage specimens, to being a discriminating selector of what women you will even allow to pass through your door.
That difference in personage also indicates whether you are ingesting real red pills or whether you have the high-fiber kind that pass through your system completely without being absorbed. Ingested, but not digested.
Just look at whatever woman you are with, or are interested in being with, and ask yourself if she has any potential for playing a role in a red pill framework for a relationship.
Can she take the word no without acting like a child? Have you tested that by telling her no and carefully gaging her reaction? What would she say if you told her you subscribe to red pill philosophy, that you welcome a robust, healthy relationship with a woman but you won’t finance it, or maintain it with servitude. Can she see that attitude in you, through your words and actions? Have you told her that you will always maintain your friendships and interests regardless of whether you are in a relationship? Did you pay close attention to her words and her body language in response?
There are countless other ways that you can probe and test and assess a woman at any stage of a relationship, all structured according to your personal values and standards. The only test for you is whether you are honestly testing her, and whether you are willing to endure the discomfort of letting women go who fail.
Guys, women cannot hide the answers to these questions, or beat the testing. Their beliefs and their attitudes are written into every word they say. Women are blinded to their own selfish nature (just as men are), by socialization and by constant male enabling. The bad apples don’t stand a chance in hell of escaping detection because they are not aware enough of their own behavior. To them, all the red flags you are looking for are totally normal. You can literally meet them, test them, have them fail and rid yourself of them without them even knowing what happened.
Keep in mind here that I am not suggesting you are looking for the woman who passes all the tests. None of them will, because if your tests are thorough, no woman can pass them all. The big question here is whether a woman can score close enough to indicate she is possibly trainable.
I don’t think it helps to try to ascertain precisely what personality characteristics lend a woman to being trainable. I am not sure that is even knowable. I just know that some women, with proper training applied, can come to realize the wisdom of a more wholesome, non-gynocentric attachment. And even some that can’t fully wise up, can be made compliant enough to be tolerable to some men.
For men that are persistent and values-based, this can open the opportunity to explore pair bonding with a woman who can handle their end of the bargain without shamming her way out of it using female privilege. I can be a rewarding place to be, when friendship, parity and mutual benefit are allowed to rise above the lopsided, ignobly unfair mandates of gynocentric love.
I’d like to stress that all this testing is not about beating her over the head with questions and making her walk on coals to prove her worth. After all, men of all people should know the shitty proposition that is.
Testing is quite subtle, and much more along the lines of studious observation than constant engagement. The conflict that results from the tests not going well are supposed to happen inside your own mind, where you struggle with your own gynocentrism to make good decisions. It is not a conflict that should occur between you and the woman. She is just being who she is. If you are in conflict with her about that, it is likely because you are trying to change the writing she put on the wall. This is where, once again, your personal accountability comes directly into play.
If she gives you a dead fail demonstration, like cutting you off in the bedroom because you didn’t want to take her to a chick flick, and you react with more testing, then you are doing it to yourself. Period. Fini. End of story.
If you find yourself on the hamster wheel of constantly trying to figure out why she keeps doing all this harmful stuff, scratching your head and then going back in for more, you are the problem. Cut that shit off and move on, man, and quit whining about the shitty woman you are involved with. Once that sinks in; once you establish that she is an emotional, financial or psychological train wreck, then let it go off the rails. Dust yourself off and get on with your life.
I noticed in a comment recently by a man who said he was in a 13-year relationship with a borderline woman, with the last 10 years knowing she was a personality disordered. He complained that he was miserable and that she was a terrible person.
I quickly moved on to other comments without responding. After all, if he won’t invest 5 minutes of his time in a mirror, there is little I could say to help him. All I can say is, better him than me.
As I said in part one, the three steps I am outlining in this series are incredibly difficult and painful. No matter how hard you try to work on them, they will do no good if you can’t see yourself and see her in the clearest possible terms, and if you are not ready and willing to act on what you see deliberately, even when it is painful.
And of course, even if you see clearly, act deliberately and steadfastly allow yourself to be guided by your values, you have no guarantees for success. We are talking about human beings: too complicated to be sorted out by a single set of actions. The point here is just improving the odds for red pill men who want to roll the dice on pair bonding. That alone is a very rough path. And be aware, your psychological acumen and interpersonal intelligence will have a major impact on outcomes. It’s not exactly territory that is friendly to slow thinkers. Not trying to be cruel, just honest.
Next up, the final installment of this series.

[1]https://goo.gl/LL4uFn

About Paul Elam

Paul Elam is the founder of A Voice for Men

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