The always-excellent Dalrock posted a recent blog on why some women aren’t getting the courtship to which they feel entitled. His analysis focuses on the economic realities of modern dating, and I agree with many of his points. But I think there’s another reason why more men aren’t courting women.
They believe in gender equality.
Courtship and chivalry are fundamentally incompatible with notions of gender equality. And if there is one thing that modern women say they want, it is gender equality. As well as the need to be “free” from traditional gender roles. Despite this, a couple generations of women have been able to cherry-pick from traditional and modern gender roles if they so choose. Many men, due to their desperation for female approval and traditional social conditioning, continued traditional courtship behaviors decades after the feminist movement started agitating for equality.
But it turns out that when you tell some men you are strong, independent, and equal, they will believe you.
It also happens that some men may be enthused by the idea of evolving their traditional gender roles. They no longer feel the obligation to demonstrate subservient provider capacity by wooing ladies with gifts and free entertainment. They are perceptive enough to know that courtship behavior is asking to get treated like a chump. They expect women to play an equal role in the courtship, and they’re perfectly happy to say “NEXT!” if she’s unwilling to reciprocate.
There are many women who are totally cool with this, and they go on to build fulfilling relationships with like-minded folks. However, as the constant wailing of “Where have the good men gone” indicates, gender equality doesn’t sit well with many. Hear their lamentations! A gynocentric traditionalist woman shoves a shame sandwich at men, and a young woman bemoans the struggles of making men pay for something she used to happily give away.
If women are strong, independent, and self-reliant, then men are no longer obligated to be protectors and providers. If the genders are equal, women are not more inherently valuable than men.
Some men and women counter this with an appeal to biological assets. If you think women’s bodies make them entitled to special treatment, then don’t be surprised if men treat dating like a sexual supermarket. If you think women are entitled to special treatment because “that’s the way things should be” I urge you to realize the ship has sailed on that BS and shall never return.
Let’s do away with expectations of courtship, and promote reciprocity instead. Couples should do nice things for each other. If a woman does something nice for a man, he should reciprocate. If a man does something nice for her, he should look for it to be reciprocated somehow. Note that having sex does not entitle women to payment, any more than men are entitled to sex for taking a woman out to dinner. If you think sex in dating relationships deserves payment, I’ll again suggest that you shouldn’t be surprised if men treat dating like a sexual supermarket.
I adamantly reject wrongheaded expectations placed on gender, and I encourage all men and women to do the same. I don’t say this because I “hate” or “disrespect” women. I say it because I like women and strongly believe they are as capable as any man of being a self-reliant adult.
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